In my little world right now I have people close to me who are suffering the unimaginable – stuff we can’t even dream up. Worlds being turned so upside down that the simple act of breathing becomes impossible. Heartbreaking, excruciating stuff. The life is not fair kind of stuff. The cry for three days and still not catch your breath kind of stuff.
They are not doing this to themselves. It is forced upon them by the universe for whatever lesson it is they have come to learn in this lifetime. It is out of their control but it is also out of everyone’s control. It is just the way it is. The universe’s plan. It’s unbearable, but it is the universe’s plan so we catch our breath and move forward as best we can. It is not in anyones’ control so we breathe and move. Step by step. Day by day. Knowing we are doing our best. All of us doing our best in every moment.
Also in my little world I have other people close to me who are suffering due to the choices of those around them. I have been in that place. I know how it feels. I know every single desperate inch of how it feels. It’s equally heartbreaking….but it’s different. It’s different because it doesn’t have to be. It’s the ‘choice’ of the other person. It can be fixed. It may take courage but it can be fixed.
Do something once and it is an accident. Do it again and it’s a choice. Didn’t have to happen. Didn’t have to go down that road. Didn’t have to hurt the people around you. Didn’t have to do that.
Do it again and it becomes selfish. It becomes weak. It lacks integrity and soul. It becomes pathetic. It becomes deliberate. The deliberate cause of suffering to others.
Addictions are a disease they say. Perhaps.
Choice is not a disease.
Addictions are selfish and destructive. They are harmful and hurtful. They cause pain wherever they go….and they go everywhere. They are everywhere. They are all around me causing immense suffering to people that I love dearly and so many people I don’t even know. People I have yet to meet. Addictions are selfish and they are a choice! I am astonished at the prevalence of them. I am astonished at the quiet whispering voices as they tell me their stories. Their stories of breaking hearts and loss of hope. Stories of broken families and suffering children. Stories. So many stories. I am over whelmed by them.
I do not understand despite a lifetime of being in this place. I do not understand someone making that choice. I do not understand the destructive selfishness of it all.
I watched my father destroy his family unit. Destroy his job, his friendships and eventually destroy himself. Done and dusted and pushing up the daisies by the time he was my age. He knew what he was doing. As a child I knew he had chosen his addiction over me. His selfish destruction of everything around him was more important than I was.
And then I watched it again….
It was a choice. It was not a disease it was a choice.
It simply didn’t have to be that way.
It never does.
nikivanvelden 