Posts Tagged 'love'

On travelling solo.

No one can say that my life has not been interesting.  From the very beginning it appears I was destined to live a life full of challenges interspersed with an occasional adventure.

It all began in Singapore where my mother, just twenty-one, fell pregnant with her second child.  She had married my father, a slim and charming Irish airforce man at nineteen and their first posting had been to Singapore.  A couple of years later we returned to England and within a year or so we were off to Germany where I began my schooling. I distinctly remember being dragged to school through the snow… not eager to leave the warmth of our top floor flat and the sweet stories of ‘Listen to mother’ on the radio.  Three years later I had to leave my first best friend Gillian and return to England.  I cried for a week and experienced my first broken heart.

Back in England it felt like we moved incessantly.  House after house and school after school.  I became a bookworm.  The corner of the school library and a soft cushion became my friend. The books I read being familiar faces no matter where I found myself.  It was during these years that I discovered the value of knowing how to be alone and I remember my mother telling me how important it is to know how to do this.  To being easy in your own company.  To savour the very sweetness that is solitude.

Finally in my teenage years when my father left the airforce and started his own company we started to settle and yet life began to fall apart.  My father, a typical irishman was a drinker and the more money he made the more he drank.  During his airforce years he had never really been home and I was probably to young to be aware of his addiction.  Now it was glaringly obvious and his indifference to me became a thorn in my side but, at the same time, I developed a deep friendship with my mother that lasted until the day she died.

A week after my seventeenth birthday, having been dumped unkindly by my first boyfriend, I hopped on a plane and went stateside to escape yet another broken broken heart and my father.  I stood at Atlanta airport feeling tiny, afraid and incredibly vulnerable.  All I could think was ‘how am I going to survive this’….but I did.  I ended up in South Carolina and spent a year exploring life, making friendships that are still alive today, learning to stand on my own two feet and the art of ‘conversation with a stranger’.

A year or so later I returned to England and instantly regretted the decision.  Driving through the grey, damp streets on a foggy November morning I longed for the sunny skies of the carolinas, the friends I had made there and once again to be far away from my father and the shit storm that surrounded him.  Just eighteen I sat in my parents little house in England and felt lost, alone and once again incredibly vulnerable.  No plan and no idea where to start. My parents marriage a mere pile of rubble and his love affair with the bottle all the stronger.

Now so many years later I am so grateful for those early adventures.  I am eternally grateful for those early life lessons of savouring solitude and travelling solo.  Of learning to talk to strangers and of reading anything and everything.  Of knowing that broken hearts do mend and that there is power in vulnerability.  Of knowing that you don’t have to tolerate other people’s stuff no mater who they are.

Today I savour my solitude and that little armchair at the back of the bookstore is still my friend.  I have more books than clothes and still love ‘conversations with strangers’.  To hear snippets of their stories and exchange friendly smiles.   I am alone, a little lost and once again feeling incredible vulnerable…..but it feels like home.

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Traits of conscious living

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I recently saw an article in which were words written by the actor Keanu Reeves. Keanu had written about how he did not like living in a world where people did not seem to value either themselves or each other. I agree.  The fact that millions are obsessed with the inane daily existence of a family that seem to pride themselves on the size of their butts rather than the depth in their hearts breaks my own into a million pieces.   Where is our deep commitment to the human race, our planet and everything that resides in our environment?  Why the desire to hurt and why the ludicrous obsession with things that have no meaning or depth.

His article reminded me of notes I had written in the back of an old journal and so I rummaged around until I located those tired scribbles. There in my tatty moleskin I found the list I had made some time ago on what I believe are the traits of people who live a conscious life.

They are dedicated to personal growth. 

By this I mean that they put effort into being a better person that they were yesterday.  The seek to expand their minds and are open to constant learning.  They understand that there is always room for improvement and are willing to work on the space between who they are and who they want to be.

They understand that they are more than a physical body.

Our physical body is home for our soul.  Perhaps we will never understand just what our soul is but we do get that it is vital to who we are.  Both our body and our soul are energy.  Our body vibrating atoms of energy and soul the deep conscious energy that makes us who we are.  They understand this about themselves and equally of others.  They are prepared to meet others on both levels and are respectful of another’s journey here on our planet.

They take care of themselves

Living a conscious life means taking care of the home their soul resides in. Attending to all the physical needs of the body.  Making time for exercise, drinking lots of water, eating quality food and avoiding the perils of sugar, alcohol and drugs. It means taking care of your own emotional needs and stepping out into the world knowing that if you take good care of yourself you have more to offer others.

Embracing their beauty

This really boils down to being comfortable in their own skin.   Taking the time to love themselves, who they are and what they offer to the world.  This is no mean feat. Even liking ourselves seems impossibly difficult in a world that tells us we are not enough.  Conscious people tune out from the media perception of beauty, physical or otherwise and embrace all that they are.

Care for others

Conscious people understand that we are all connected.  That we are all part of this universe and that we are all made up of the same energy at a deep cellular level. This understanding guides them to treat others as they would treat themselves.

Care for the earth

It is pretty obvious isn’t it that if you have conscience at all you are driven to treat this plant with the utmost care.  Reducing your consumption and lowering your carbon footprint are just the tip of the iceberg.  Care for the earth means caring for our environment and everything in it.

Emotionally mature

This doesn’t come easy to some but it starts out by engaging in personal growth.  All the work done there provides the basis for emotional stability and maturity.  This has nothing to do with physical age.  I know young people who’s emotional maturity knocks the socks of people twice their age.

Lives with integrity and doesn’t settle

A conscious person approaches all that they do with grace.  They are true to their word and uphold their own code ethics and morals.  They know their boundaries and expect others to treat them with the same honour as they themselves treat others.

Opens even when it hurts

It is not easy to stay soft and open in a society that wants to beat you with it’s own brand of harshness but this one is essential.  Staying open means not closing down ones heart.  It means understand that the energy of love really is what gives meaning to our lives. It means being tender even in the moments when it is hardest to do so.

Receives elegantly

I struggle with this.  I find myself very uncomfortable with the process of receiving gifts but to not receive with grace denies the other person all the joy of giving.  Of course it is not always a gift from another person.  Receiving also means accepting and loving your talents and anything else that makes you special.  It is understanding that you are deserving of this and being brave enough to go out into the world with that knowledge.

Is brave and courageous.

In the words of Gandhi ‘Be truthful, gentle and fearless’.  Being brave and courages does not denote being hard.  It means be courageous enough to be gentle and be brave enough to stay open.  Stand sweetly in your own power and respect that others do the same.  Move fearlessly out of your comfort zone when required and help others in their quest for growth.  There is a beautiful sanskrit word ‘Shraddha’.  It means learning to rest in complete uncertainty without moving into fear.  For me that just sums up beautiful the ability to be brave and courageous.

I truly believe that we all have the ability to be highly conscious people.  That every single person on this planet has the depth and character to do the work required, and just imagine if they all did.  What a wonderful world it would be.

On being powerfully feminine

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This whole media hype that has surrounded Bruce Jenner has been the inspiration behind this discussion.  Now I am not going to comment on him or his life.  That is not my place.  I just want to say this.  I like being a woman. I like that women are, in their very nature, soft and tender, open and nurturing.  I like that we go out of our way to tend to one another.  That we take time to listen when others are feeling vulnerable and in turn are vulnerable ourselves.  That we welcome conversation on a deep soul level.  That we are interested, really interested, in what makes another person pause for a moment.  That we collectively gather when there is a intuitive need.  It is when we are open and soft and vulnerable that we connect with other people on a real level.  That we allow them to see us and they allow us to see them.  Women are not afraid to love one another openly and deeply.  A woman’s love for her children is unparalleled in it’s fierceness and equally in it’s softness.

In turn I like that men are physically strong.  That they are made that way to protect us and in protecting us it allows us to remain open and soft.  It’s such a beautiful balance.  I like that men can do stuff that we can’t.  That they can open those bottle tops that simply defy our strength.  That they can carry the things we can’t.  I like it when they step up to do those things.  As the saying goes the three sexiest words a man can say to a woman is ‘I’ve got that’.  I like that they like to do that for us.  That it makes them feel more masculine and the more masculine they are the more feminine we can be.  I like that they are different to us.  It is why we are attracted to one another.

Have you ever watch a man walk into a room full of women.  He will be overcome by a sort of terrified look.  All that powerful softness in one place.  It has a kind of energy to it which the masculine does not understand and he will shrink and flea in haste.  In contrast if a woman walks in to a room full of men, in general all the masculine energy will turn to her and she will soak it up like a great big soft sponge.

There is intense power in a woman’s femininity.  There is such strength in her softness.  It is her openness and softness that raises the children.  On that point there is no more vulnerable or brave moment in a woman’s life than the moment she gives birth.  It is then that she has to become soft and open in a very physical sense otherwise childbirth simply wouldn’t happen.  There is a beautiful and extreme vulnerability in childbirth and yet at the same time it requires a strength that leaves men in awe.  Doesn’t that just sum up a woman.  Childbirth just pushes all that she is to the extreme.  Think about it, in order to give birth to a baby you have to be as open and soft as is physically possible while at the same time being incredibly mentally and physically strong.  It is all rather exquisite because without that combination of softness and strength the human race would not survive.

There is so much strength and power in being open and soft.  If you are closed it is simply a sign that you do not feel strong enough to be open.  That your ego won’t allow you to be vulnerable.   Being soft and tender and open takes bravery and all that bravery makes this world a better place.  Ego does not.  Ego is what we all need to loose.  Don’t mistake ego for pride.  Pride has its place.  Ego has no place in our world.  Ego is the ultimate destructor.

I think we should celebrate our soft nurturing tenderness.  I think we should  celebrate being brave and open and feminine.  If you are open and soft you are vulnerable, but if you are vulnerable you are courageous.  If you are courageous you can be proud.



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